Our most endearing heroine, Tall Tara, covered her ears in hopes of ending the pain of the awful music that defiled her aural senses. She could not concentrate on her work; the sound drove her quite batty. Despite the door to her room being closed, the noise resonated loudly as if the source sat right beside her. There were deadlines to be met! Something must done!
I know what you, dear readers, are thinking: ‘What does Tall Tara do for a living?’ The answer is quite simple: she is a Tallicity Analysis Expert, in short, a T.A.E. Tallicity is the study of being tall, which has been deemed ‘the greatest scientific field to be created since quantum mechanics’ by pundits.
Now, where were we? Ah yes! Deadline!
The deadline must be met by Tall Tara! With that in mind, she stood up and marched towards the source of the music blaring, invading her senses. The madness needed to end for all life depended on it!
Well, not really… BUT THERE WAS A DEADLINE!
She opened the door and marched down the hallway of the apartment (Yes! Tall Tara lives in an apartment! Aren’t you glad that you are getting to know more about her?) The music came from the room at the end of the hallway. As every step brought her closer, the sound became more and more unbearable. “I do not understand why anyone would want to listen to this awful crap!”
Oh, you’re curious as to what kind of music was being played by the villainous villain, I see. Well, I’ll leave that to your imagination. After all, we all have differing musical tastes. However, here are some suggestions in case you are unable to come up with any:
Afroman – Because I Got High
Oscar G & Ralph Falcon – Dark Beat
Crazy Town – Butterfly
Anything by Eiffel 65
I understand that there are more contemporary and obvious choices. You can use those as well. And if anyone uses M2M, I’ll kill you. M2M’s awesome.
Tall Tara reached the entrance to the room. The music was, at this point, quite unbearable. Our heroine felt that she had suffered long enough and that the evil emanating from the other side of the door had to be sent back to Satan himself. Tall Tara clenched her fist and began knocking loudly which she realized was futile given that the music drowned the sound of her fist banging wood. She took a step back and kicked the door down.
There they stood, staring at Tall Tara with an evil grin… THE SINISTER SPEAKER SIBLINGS! And yes, they are speakers with faces. The villains brimmed with confidence as they had caught Tall Tara off-guard and felt that they had the upper hand. In that instance, they raised the volume to the most extreme levels, prompting the already deafening music to become lethal.
She attempted to get closer, but the vibrations were too much and Tall Tara’s ears were nearing their threshold. The gods of battle seemed to have sided with the Sinister ones. “Our” “Victory” “Is” “At hand” “Tall” “Tara” said the siblings alternately.
Little did they know, of course, that Tall Tara knew that the battle would end to her favor. In fact, Tall Tara was simply being merciful for her triumph would result in death. Their death. As the siblings screamed louder, it was time for Tall Tara to unleash her killing blow.
It ended in a flash. The Sinister Speaker Siblings had suddenly exploded. While their casings remained in tact, their speaker cones were severely damaged causing systemic damage to their internals. Inner wiring sparked madly, loosened connections and all. Tall Tara walked over to their defeated bodies writhing in pain.
“”I was born with de-technologizerism, the ability to destroy technology without even trying. I’m sorry. I did not want to do this but you left me no choice.” Tall Tara stared at them with an unforgiving look. Her eyes spoke to the siblings, blaming the villains for their own deaths, for the blood in her hands, for the guilt.
The siblings spoke.
“Do.” “Not.” “Look.” “At us.” “With.” “Those eyes.”
“We.” “Won’t.” “Be.” “The last.” “That.” “You’ll.” “Have to.” “Face.”
“That will.” “Push.” “You to.” “The edge.” “Of your.” “Humanity.”
“She.” “Is.” “Coming.” “Tall one.”
Tall Tara asked, “Who? Who is coming?” but with their spirits hanging by a thread, the Sinister Speaker Siblings could not mouth out the words. However, they began to grin, finding humor in the fate that awaited her.
“WHO?!!” deamanded Tall Tara
“…T-t-toddler…” “…F-f-faccccceeee…” And with that the siblings faded.
Finally. It was quiet.
This is part of the Tall Tara Versus series. It is a diversion from the usual standard that write and is meant to be expressed in a more visual medium (i.e. comic) but since I have poor art skills, I decided to just write it. If anyone is willing to make a comic version of this for kicks, let me know. Now, on with our story.
It was a Monday. Our beloved heroine, Tall Tara, protector of that which is good and magnificent and master of the power of tallness, emerged from her deep slumber. She stretched out her arms and began her attempt to be productive for that day. She consumed her breakfast… or perhaps it was brunch… or lunch. She consumed her first meal of the day. As Tall Tara began contemplating what needed to be done for the day, she realized something: there was a mountain of dirty clothes in her laundry basket.
“Eureka! That will be my task of the day!” exclaimed our protagonist. Tall Tara was to bring her dirty laundry to the laundromat. So she gathered every piece of used clothing that was lying on the floor and hanging around wherever clothes can be left hanging and dumped them in her giant basket, consolidating all of her dirty laundry.
Yes I did say giant. You see, being tall means that one is a giant and when one is a giant, that means one needs giant things. Tall Tara has a giant basket for her giant clothes.
Finally, Tall Tara had all of the clothes in the basket and proceeded with her quest to deliver the dirty laundry to the laundromat. Little did our heroine know that things would not be so easy. That there were those who sought to hinder and stop her from completing her quest. As she exited the front door, she felt a presence appear behind her. You could say that Tall Tara felt the aura of a great evil suddenly apparate. Tall Tara’s senses heightened as she heard a voice utter the words,
“TALL TARAAAAAAA! IT IS I! THE WEATHER WITCH!!!”
Indeed, it was the Weather Witch. She wasn’t very tall. In fact, she was pretty short. No, wait. She was short. Her dwarfish stature was almost laughable had it not been for the fact that she was an insidious villain. One dared not laugh at her sinestry if one chose to stay alive. Her hair was short, pixie cut. It symbolized the shortness of her temper, but did nothing to augment said disposition.
“I shall prevent you from completing your quest with my wizardry! You will not be able to deliver those clothes to the laundromat! See how I make it rain!”
Only a person with so much evil intent, such as the Weather Witch, could laugh like that. Now, let me clarify to you dear reader that the Weather Witch cannot exactly control the weather. She is more like a weatherman/meteorologist except for two things. One, she is evil. Two, she can’t predict or forecast the weather. She can only tell you that it is raining or about to rain when she sees a large formation of cumulonimbus clouds and rain begins falling from the sky. Perhaps we should name her Captain Obvious instead, but I would not want to cross such a nefarious antagonist. Tall Tara, being a great heroine, is aware of all this.
And so the rain began. Drops fell from the sky, rushing towards the earth as if they were running away from the sky, only to plummet to their death. Tall Tara wanted to curse the Weather Witch but there was no time for complaining. She needed to quickly come up with a plan if she wanted to avoid getting wet.
“This is the end of the road for you, Tall Tara! Your powers of tallness cannot defeat me!”
I did say that Tall Tara needed to come up with something. Lo and behold, she did! On her left hand, our protector held the laundry basket. But on her right hand she was holding
“A GIANT UMBRELLA?!”
“Yes, Weather Witch! In case you weren’t paying attention to the narrator, I am tall! Being tall, I have giant things! Giant clothes, giant basket… GIANT UMBRELLA!!!”
The Weather Witch fell down on her knees, broken in defeat. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
As the rain drenched the villainous villain, Tall Tara walked away triumphantly with minimal wetness.
TALL TARA! YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!!!